


Cruel

by TheStageManager



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Ahsoka Tano Made Mistakes, Ahsoka Tano Needs a Hug, Ahsoka Tano Tries to Be a Better Person, Ahsoka Tano is a Good Person, Ahsoka Tano is a Mess, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Obi-Wan Kenobi is a Good Person, Post-Order 66, but not everyone can be forgiven, post RotS, we all make mistakes, we all try to be better than we are, we're all flawed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:33:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24614575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStageManager/pseuds/TheStageManager
Summary: Who had committed the greater crime? Anakin for betraying his family? Or Obi-Wan for failing his student?Or perhaps it was Ahsoka, who'd been too blinded by grief to see that she wasn't the only one mourning.Inspired by kj_feybarn's story, "The Greater Crime". Please go read it, it's an amazing story.https://archiveofourown.org/works/23853211
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano
Comments: 18
Kudos: 673
Collections: fics to read to feel at peace with the world





	Cruel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kj_feybarn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kj_feybarn/gifts).
  * Inspired by [The Greater Crime](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23853211) by [kj_feybarn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kj_feybarn/pseuds/kj_feybarn). 



> Inspired by kj_feybarn's story, "The Greater Crime". I HIGHLY recommend reading it. It's an absolutely incredible story, one of the best I've ever read. Please go and read it, it's absolutely worth it.  
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/23853211

Ahsoka’s gaze was hard. She ought to be happy to see her former grandmaster.

Ought to be. Supposed to be. Rules, rules, rules. If there was anything she could attribute directly to Anakin, it was her seething hatred of _rules._

Ahsoka wasn’t happy to see Obi-Wan. In fact, the second she laid her eyes on him, she felt the anger come creeping up the back of her throat, and the litany of accusations was soon to follow.

_Where were you? Why did you leave? Why did you abandon us?_

She knew the answer, of course. It wasn’t hard to work out. He’d left because they’d convinced him that they hated him.

Hate was a strong word. It left a sour taste in her mouth.

Order 66 had been hard on all of them. Sure, Ahsoka knew the damage, knew the responsible party (Anakin Skywalker, her Master, her _brother_ ) and yet she couldn’t bring herself to _acknowledge it_.

There had to be some good left in Anakin. There had to be!

But Obi-Wan had already given up on him.

And to Ahsoka, that was unforgivable. Obi-Wan had raised Anakin, how could he be so calloused? How could he be so cruel? Forgiveness was the Jedi way and he was supposed to be the perfect Jedi, wasn’t he?

_(He’s not anybody anymore. The Jedi are dead.)_

So the accusations—cruel and unrelenting—had been slung at General Kenobi, not because he deserved it, but because he was the _most convenient target._

_If you hadn’t abandoned him..._

_If you had just supported him..._

_If you been a better master..._

_If you were a better person..._

_If you were better..._

The Genocide of the Jedi, the enslavement of the clones, the collapse of the Republic—all of it rested on Obi-Wan Kenobi’s shoulder’s because he _hadn’t been good enough._

And which is the greater crime?

Anakin had slaughtered the younglings, sure, but it was Obi-Wan who had been the failure: If the student fails, it is because his teachings were faulty, and guilt rests solely on the teacher. _  
_

And so Kenobi had left, heartbroken, defeated, alone, and utterly convinced that they would all be better off without him, that he was the cause of their pain and misery, that their happiness was only to be found wherever he _wasn’t._

How could he be so stupid? Of course they loved him! Didn’t he realize how much they loved him? Didn’t he understand how deeply his departure had hurt them? He didn’t even say goodbye. He had abandoned them as he had abandoned Anakin.

Selfish, foolish old man. _  
_

_And Ahsoka had mourned._

They all mourned.

It occurred to them, when it became clear that Obi-Wan wasn’t coming back, that perhaps they had been wrong about him. Perhaps they had been cruel.

Ahsoka had spent countless nights awake, reaching out into the Force for her grandmaster, searching for him, casting pleas and apologies out into the void on the off-chance they might be caught and heard.

She never received an answer, but that never stopped her from searching. Perhaps Anakin Skywalker was not worth saving, but Obi-Wan Kenobi was.

And now, here he was, standing in front of her, months and months and months after his disappearance, and all she could feel was anger.

“Where the _kriff_ did you go?” she spat.

Obi-Wan didn’t flinch, as if he didn’t feel the need to. He looked resigned, willing to take in whatever spite she hurled his way. Guilt coiled I’m the pit of Ahsoka’s stomach— _she had come here to apologize—_ but anger is a fickle thing and once it latches on, it doesn’t let go so easily.

Rex grit his teeth and took a step forward, standing between Ahsoka and her former mentor. “Don’t,” he began in warning.

“No. Let her speak,” Obi-Wan said calmly and lifted his head, finally meeting her eyes. The ‘I deserved it’ went unspoken, but hung tremulously in the air as if perched on the weak limb of an unsteady tree.

“You _left_ ,” Ahsoka continued, gritting her sharp teeth. “You left and you didn’t come back!” She balled her fists and stepped forward, her eyes filling with unshed tears.

_And it was our fault._

She knows this. She knows this. But the hurt and the sorrow and the grief came rushing back and, in their cowardice, hid behind a wall of anger.

So many night were spent awake, eyes wide open and heart clenched shut—filled with regret and sorrow and fear and grief over losing Obi-Wan. He had been her eldest brother, the only surviving member of her Jedi family after all others had been taken from her.

She had been so cruel to him.

She couldn’t seem to stop herself from being cruel now.

“You left and I thought _you were dead!”_ she screamed.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Suddenly, Ahsoka felt as if every star in the whole universe flickered and died. Obi-Wan had tilted his head to one side and asked the question so softly, so delicately, she hadn’t been able to tell if he’d been genuine, or if he was purposely trying to hurt her. Either way, the wound it left was deep and raw, and threatened to gut her where she stood.

“How- how can you think that?” she asked, her voice hardly above a whisper.

Obi-Wan’s gaze was calm and steady, though the Force around him churned with trepidation.

She watched as he swallowed thickly, and his blue eyes brightened with a pain so hot, and deep, and intense, she feared he might burn up and collapse like a dying star.

Then, she watched with horror as he bowed his head and withdrew, his eyes skirting to the dirty steel floor beneath them.

“Forgive me. That was unfair,” His voice was rough and quiet and hoarse and it only served to incentivize Ahsoka further. He had been cruel on purpose! How could he ask her something like that? How could he accuse her of such a thing? Didn’t he know how much she cared for him? How hollow and empty her life had been without him there to guide her?

Then it occurred to the young togruta, in one painful, burning instant, that perhaps Obi-Wan could relate to that sentiment. He had, after all, lost everyone he had ever known to the rage and cruelty of someone he had loved more than life itself.

The anger in her chest blew out like a candle.

Obi-Wan was turning to leave—clearly their conversation was done—but Ahsoka reached, lurching toward, and took ahold of the sleeve of his cloak. “Master...” she urged, every inch of her filled with trepidation. “Did you really believe that’s what we wanted?”

Obi-Wan paused, the slightest, saddest smile twisting at the corners of his lips. “No, Ahsoka,” he lied, because what other answer was there?

Slowly, horrified and crumbling like an ancient, rocky tower, Ahsoka recoiled and pulled her hand away. Before she could stop them, traitorous, burning tears slid down her ashen cheeks.

“I’m so sorry, Master,” she whispered, bringing up her hands to cover her face—this was shameful display of emotions. What right did she have in crying? “I’m so sorry...”

Obi-Wan didn’t reach for her, didn’t offer any comfort, and perhaps that was the worst part. Before, he had never once hesitated to extend comfort or wisdom. He had always been there for her. And she had damaged their relationship so badly that he no longer trusted her, no longer cared for her enough to reach for her.

What a horrible, selfish thought. She wasn’t the one who needed comfort in this situation.

_You can be better than this._

She straightened up, rather abruptly, just as Rex put a hand on her back and suggested they leave.

“No... no. Not yet. I... I am better than this,” she decided, and steeled herself as she wiped the tears from her face. She was not a crècheling anymore. She had hurt a man she cared for. She had hurt him to his very core, and she would own up to that. She would be responsible for it.

Master Kenobi had taught her that much.

There had never been a better teacher.

“Master Kenobi, I am sorry, truly, for everything. You- you didn’t- nothing that happened was your fault. We were- _I_ was wrong. And I hurt you- and I- I-I don’t want you to die, Master,” her voice was starting to break and fall apart, so she grit her teeth and sucked in a sharp breath. _Be steady now._ “I understand why you left and... and I don’t blame you for it. I don’t blame you for anything. _Not anything_ ,”

Kenobi didn’t move and Ahsoka felt her hands starting to shake. She bowed her head in penitence—she had lost his trust. She would have to live with the consequences of her actions.

She could feel the Force around Obi-Wan constrict and, though he tried to hide it by dropping his head, she saw his shoulders tense as the tears trickled down his cheeks. That was all he had wanted, that was all he had ever wanted: to be relinquished of the burden of shouldering Anakin’s crimes. He hadn’t murdered the younglings or desecrated the temple. He was only guilty of not being _enough_.

Ahsoka couldn’t stand to see Obi-Wan this way, it tore her up. However, she didn’t know if her touch, if her affection would be welcome after everything she had done.

“Master...” she began slowly, reaching out and touching the top of her hand. His fingers curled around hers and she nearly wept. That was all the permission she needed to pull him into a hug.

“I’m so sorry, Master. I... I love you so much. So, so much. I’m so sorry,” she whispered, holding him as tight as she dared.

“I know, young one. I know,”

They stood like that for a long time, but there was more that needed to be said. She released him, stepped backwards and straightened up once more.

“Master...” she began. “You are the greatest teacher there ever was. I am a better person because of you, because of your example. You have never been anything but kind to be and I returned your kindness with cruelty. The things I said... the things we all said... none of it was true. You are not responsible for- f-for Dar- for Anakin’s crimes,” She squeezes her eyes shut. Even now, the name held so much weight and pain. “And you have lost more than any of us could imagine. You were hurting and none of us could see that. And I’m sorry. And if you- if you’re still angry with me... I understand. I understand if you don’t want to see any of us ever again. But please, Master, know that you are loved. You are so deserving and worthy of love. And I’m... Im sorry,”

She suddenly decided that she didn’t want to know how Obi-Wan would respond. She couldn’t bare his rejection, however valid it was. So she turned away and made to flee, when his hand caught her arm.

“Ahsoka...” Obi-Wan began, and didn’t continue until she had stilled and turned to face him. “These things will take time to heal,” he admitted and she felt her heart splinter apart. “But they are not irreparable,”

Ahsoka straightened up and, for the first time in a long time, felt something akin to hope spark in her chest. “I am willing to do whatever it takes,” she said.

Obi-Wan smiled, soft and gentle and with the sort of infinite kindness that Ahsoka would never be able to fully comprehend. “Let’s start with tea, then,”


End file.
